Putting it personally…

11 Aug

I don’t know to what extent it is correct…some times it take over me, and makes me feel incomplete. I have walked miles alone, but if you ask me was it good, then I would say no. What was the reason…? There was no one in whose protection I could have cried. There was no one in front of whom I could have showed how vulnerable I was, how fragile was the outer layer which I carried was. Beauty is inspiring, indeed, but I want to see whether it protects or not. I am happy that I mad a long trip alone, a successful trip, with very few flaws. It is big for my age, not many dare to take such steps. I did it. If I look it as achievement, then it was big and it gave me great power, and confidence to go for bigger and larger trips, it gave me strength to go for such trips any time again. But yes there is a other side too, its personal, it might not happen with you. My trip to Andaman has made me yearn for someone who can match steps with me, with whom I can share my dreams, and my silly talks, where I need not pretend my self some one intelligent or as some fool. In whose company I can talk about corals and their origin, fishes and their habitat, from whom I can learn of which chordata does star fish belongs and then we can discuss about the population explosion and social structure of modern Andaman. I have had friends, wonderful, nearly all of them, them make me complete. But still not many of them help me grow. The problem arises when I want to break some mold, I need some one to help me with that, if not help then at least watch over the proceedings and provide some support.
This is not my cribbing. Not at all. I am vulnerable, and this is my acceptance note. I become weak when I get too many thoughts in my head and find no one to share them. I become weak and feel like caged bird, when I see that no one around wants to live science which we read, in books and in real life. I dont want anyone to read this I dont want anyone to know that I am feeling like crying. What I am seeing around is making me unstable. People wasting their time on things which are quite unnecessary, talking to their so called love for hours. Not paying attention to what teacher wants to teach, this is affecting me. These are the things which should not affect me, because I can not do anything about them and moreover they are not directly related to me.
Every one have thier vulnerable spots, I analyzes myself anf probably know them and tries to protect myself, but what about others who just ignore them. As I know them, I can not ignore them, but this world will not become better once I show them, so they have to be shelled, covered from any external attack. But more serious problem is not the external attack but the one coming from inside. Things are not looking bright for coming days, though sun is shining high in my sky. There is something missing, something or there is something present which was not there before. In both the cases I dont know what it is. This world is really a silly place, everybody fears one thing or other but can not show it up.


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