I saw / I see – A poem about what is yet to be seen

14 Aug

I have recently felt that writing poetry in hindi keeps me honest while writing as I dont seek for the ‘most awesome’ word. Sitting away from genre mongers is also a good thing and a wonderful way to keep myself honest with my feelings and write what I honestly feel about. I think that shows in my recent poems…

Thanks to my sister who urged me start writing again.

Now story behind this poem –

After waking up from my late noon nap, and while having quasi bed-tea type tea made by my room-mate with ‘long sev’, I looked at a bird and play of shadow and then came the though of writing this poem –

धुप छाँव से खेलती हुई पत्तियों को मैंने देखा है,
उड़ते हुए पंछी को अपना अक्स निहारते देखा है,
गहन सोच में गाय को अनंत पे आँख टिकाये देखा है,
मुस्कराते, खिलखिलाते, दिल मिलाते मगर इंसानों को कम देखा है...

कोयल की हूक पे जंगल को जागते देखा है,
भय में निर्भयता का स्वांग रचाते खरगोश को देखा है,
एक लय से, चीटियों को घरोंदा बनाते देखा है,
करुणा से निर्धन को भोजन खिलाते मगर इंसानों को कम देखा है...

प्राण हो या तत्त्व हो, 
जीव हो या तरुवर का रूप, 
सबको अपना कर्म धर्म निभाते देखा है,
फिर क्यूँ मैंने मनुष्य को अपनी प्रकृति को छिपाते देखा है...

Hope the random reader likes this, and for friends, if you are reading this then dont be ass by not commenting on it.

4 Responses to “I saw / I see – A poem about what is yet to be seen”

  1. Padmaja Chaturvedi August 14, 2011 at 5:17 am #

    Priya Kartik,
    Aapki kavita bohot achchi hai…

    Mere kuch sujhaav hain, jo ise thoda aur nikhaar sakenge

    pehli line ka pehla shabd “Sooraj” hona chahiye…
    doosri line ka pehla shabd “Neel gagan” hona chahiye…

    Aapke nirantar aage badhte rehne ki kaamna ke saath, bohot bohot aashish

    • kartik trivedi August 14, 2011 at 12:07 pm #

      @Padmaja Chaturvedi
      Thanks a lot for your comment and I truly appreciate your valuable inputs.
      Mein batana chahunga kee maine kyun in shabdo ka chunaav kiya –
      This poem is about comparison of animated characters like animals and plants with humans. yahan pe mein jeev jantuo kee kriyaon ko compare karna chahta hun.
      Maine jo dikkat face kee is kavita ko likhte time woh yeh thee kee, sahi shabd ko sahi weight mil sake… yahan jyada weight kiska ho udte hue panchi kaa, yaa uski kriya kaa, mukhya comparison kya hona chahiye, manushya aur jeev jantuo kaa yaa unki kriyaao kaa…

      Sooraj se khelti hui pattiyo ko maine dekha hai…
      Dhup chaanv brings the contrast, but suraj brings continuity…
      to yahan mein…
      sooraj se khelte hue baadal se jyada comfortable hun… but par baadal inanimate object hai…
      Yahan mein yeh bhi kahunga kee ‘dhoop chanv’ is not the best phrase but I am short of a proper word which can depict the feeling of contrast.

      Neel Gagan ko apna aks niharte maine dekha dekha hai…
      yahan bhi mein usi prakar kee duvidha mein phasta hun… jyada importance kiski hai… aks kee yaa neel gagan kee…aur neel gagan phir ek inanimate object hai…
      udta hue panchi ke aks nihsarne se mein samay ke gati aur usme kee hui ek gati maan kriya ko dikhana chahta hun…uspe bhi woh panchi apna aks niharna chahta hai; woh khud pe kuch time deta hai…

      Meri ashaa hai kee apko meri duvidha samajh mein aayi hogi aur mujhe bahut achha lagega agar aap is duvidha ko mitane mein meri help kar sakein.

      • Padmaja Chaturvedi August 15, 2011 at 9:44 am #

        Priya Kartik,
        Aapki kavita ke baare mein dono shabdo ka na hona kavita likhte samay vichaaro par nirbhar hota hai. Mann ke vichaar ko sutra mein baandhna aur unhe panne par laana hi sundar kavita hai. Aapki bhaavnaayein kavita ke paripeksha mein sahi hain. Bhaasha sundar hai. Aur lagta hai, aage kavya jagat mein aap apna sthaan zaroor banayenge.
        Shubhkaamnaon sahit,
        Mrs. Padmaja Chaturvedi

      • kartik trivedi August 16, 2011 at 3:30 pm #

        Thanks a lot for your kinds words, I will surely try to better my work.

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